Amanda’s Story

My name is Amanda. I grew up in a small town in northern Michigan called Traverse City and spent a good part of my childhood obsessed with horses. Like any crazed horse girl, I read any horse book I could and spent the summer days training my dog to jump and pretending he was a horse! I even named my bike a horse name and pretended it had a mind of its own.

I rode ponies at the fair every year and friends’ horses whenever I could until I was about 11 years old and met a family friend named Lyndsey. She had a horse and of course I wanted to meet him. He was a white Arabian named Fleetwood’s Bosyn, and she called him Bo. My parents agreed to pay for his stabling and feed for the summer while she was saving money for college, and in return she taught me everything she knew about owning and riding Bo.

I walked half a mile after school to the barn from the nearest bus stop and rode him around, rain or shine, or sometimes snow that I would shovel away a small circle in so that we could ride around lap after lap. I worked on my balance and coordination and bravery and confidence day after day, just me and Bo.

I remember one day Lyndsey took apart the entire saddle and bridle and had me clean it and put it back together; I was stressed trying to figure out all of the leather straps but I finally got it! She was always kind to her horse, and eventually she took us both to a show! I remember another rider spurring her horse again and again, yanking on his mouth and complaining that he was doing everything wrong. I watched in horror, and Lyndsey made a remark that we want to be sure never to be like that with our horse. I will never forget that moment. From then on I knew I wanted a partnership with the animal, not control. We won first place in our little flat class and Lyndsey was so proud of both of us. I was hooked!

Bo and I would go on long trail rides together and canter around the arena working on lead changes. I’d give him long baths and watch him roll in the dirt after, and he taught me so much about bravery, confidence and love.

After the school year was over, Lyndsey went to college and at the same time, I met another horse, one who was for sale. Her name was Karizmatic Wind, or “Karizma” for short. She was 3/4 Quarter Horse and 1/4 Arabian. She was safe enough to handle on the ground and ride around a bit, but sometimes she was afraid of everything and would bolt off, leaving you in the dust. I begged my mom to buy her, and because she wasn’t really well trained, she wasn’t as expensive as a fancy show horse, so my mom paid the $1,000 and she was officially ours! My very own horse, I was in heaven!!

We moved her to the fancy show barn in town, and she wouldn’t even walk down the small sloped walkway to the indoor arena. I was bummed. I wanted to go to the horse shows with all of my friends, but I had a hard time getting my horse to cooperate doing much of anything at all.

My mom knew there were other ways to train horses besides getting the spurs out, which she knew I was not a fan of. She drove me a few hours downstate to attend a Pat Parelli clinic. It was a two day event, and I saw things that I have never seen before when it comes to connection between a horse and rider. I was immediately mesmerized, and knew I wanted to try this with Karizma. I bought a carrot stick and string and started to work the Parelli system with my horse. It revolutionized my training mindset, and it allowed us to be able to go to the fair with my friends and show in the shows. But more than that, it allowed me to communicate with horses in ways I never thought possible.

Karizma and I went to shows all through high school and although life then faded more into boys than horses, I always kept an interest and love for horses. Just before I graduated high school, the book “The Tao of Equus” came out and I started studying more about how the horse can heal us emotionally. My mom took me to a book signing with Linda Kohanov, the author, and she talked about some of her findings in the book. I loved being around people who believed that horses were here on Earth for more than just “a job.” I loved spending time connecting with my horse on a spiritual level, and I felt sometimes that she would almost, speak to me, in a sense.

I became a parent just before I turned 18, and a single mom at that, so I sold Karizma to a wonderful family, and chose a career in the adult industry that would hopefully pay the bills and allow me to be home with my son more often. I moved out west to Las Vegas and spent half a decade in that world tearing myself down every which way. I still took lessons or leased horses whenever I could no matter my personal situation, partly as therapy that I didn't even know I needed throughout it all.

I met my (now ex-)husband in 2014 and chose to leave my wild life behind, shut down the websites that I was running, and move in with him to California. I tried to pretend nothing ever happened and made a new story of why I moved and what I was doing in Las Vegas before that, but I always felt like a fraud. I felt fake, and yearned to feel authentic. I loved being around the horses because around them they didn't care about my story or who I was pretending to be, they saw me for who I truly was standing before them. Not allowing myself to fully heal did even more damage to every aspect of my life. I wasn’t sure which direction to turn, and I started to become even more lost. I made poor decisions to be unfaithful and untruthful, searching for my own truth in a sea of unhealed emotions that I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone about.

It wasn’t until 2017 that the horse bug really bit again. I wanted to buy a horse I had been leasing but the owner sold him the day before I could bring her the money. I was so bummed, but I kept searching. I found a Thoroughbred named Beverly that someone was selling pretty cheap, so I took her in, only to find out within a year that she had a spinal malformation and I had to choose to end her life before her pain became too much for me to handle. Just before Beverly passed, I did a card reading with her from The Moondeck, and she put her lips right up to 4 different cards in the deck. The rest of the cards she ignored as I showed her one by one. I was in shock when I read the cards for the spread she had chosen, and I believed from then on that animals had messages for us, we just needed to figure out how to communicate with them better.

Before Beverly’s last days, I met a previously wild mustang named Luna, and decided to take her on for a month as a test before I would commit to buying her. I had never ridden a mustang before, but the first ride was magical. I felt so connected to this horse that was once running wild and free, and a month later, she became mine. 

Luna taught me more about horsemanship than any horse had previously, being from the wild, none of the “normal” horse things were normal to her. It took me a week to get her to accept a fly sheet on her body, having to fold it all up in the tiniest square like a saddle pad at first. Even the Parelli system, which I had sworn by up to that point, didn’t seem to be working as well with her. That’s when I watched Mustang Maddy’s Mystic series on YouTube, and decided to dive into the world of positive reinforcement training, or R+. Luna took to it so well, and it started to transform my training with her.

Then I decided to get her a friend, named Maverick, who is now my personal riding horse. I wanted to get a wild mustang that was barely trained, one that had never been ridden before, to see if I could be the first one to ride a horse. If I could do that, maybe I could be an official TIP trainer one day and help train completely wild horses to be good citizens and find great homes after they’re rounded up when resources in the wild get low.

Buying Maverick took me down a mustang rabbit hole which I won’t go too far into detail here, but hopefully in a future blog! I did indeed train him to be ridden, then purchased another mustang with behavioral issues and helped her through those. Then bought Maverick’s sister from the wild, then that sister’s son, then Maverick’s other sister, then, well, you can see how I got a bit carried away. By the time I knew it I owned 10 horses and couldn’t keep up with any of their training. My entire life was out of control, my marriage was hanging on by a thread, and I was reaching my breaking point.  

In December 2020 my (now ex)husband caught me lying about where I had been, and I decided to come clean about the previous 4 years of hurt that I had caused in our marriage. I decided in that moment that I was done living in secret. I was tired of hiding, lying, and being someone who couldn't even keep track of it all anymore. I was sickened by my own life. I went through counseling, and a step program over the next year, reconnecting with God, working through issues from my past, and learning SO much about myself along the way. I continue still to this day to live in true authenticity and I believe that much of the reasoning for hurting my marriage was based on shame, guilt and pain from my past, and especially the 5 years that I spent in the adult industry.

I had SO much to "unpack" from those years I spent using my body as a product, and I still go through this process again and again. I wrote a lot about my experiences and wanted to share my truth instead of hiding any longer. Publishing my book, “The Girl She Thought She Was” was the final straw for my marriage, and we divorced in late 2021 before it came out on the shelves.

I started to piece my life back together, trusting in God to help me every step of the way. I realized that even if I had a million dollars, there is no way I could train all of the horses I owned. One of my lesson families bought one of Maverick’s siblings, then another perfect person bought Luna, my first mustang. I slowly but surely found homes for every horse I owned but Maverick, who I hope to always own. He has been with me through so many ups and downs and has taught me so much along the way!

In 2021 when I was healing a lot I started taking some courses that Sam VanFleet was offering virtually about doing liberty work with your horse. I completed that course, then took her next course about training tricks, and the next year took her advanced liberty course and consider her one of my biggest mentors in the horse world, along with Mustang Maddy and Pat Parelli. In 2022 I married my husband, the love of my life, Drew and we live together with our three boys in Las Vegas, having so much fun hiking, walking our dogs or adventuring around the city together. I have created an online course all around healing from an addictive past, which is what I would categorize my life in the adult industry for the most part. If you feel you have an addiction that is hindering your ability to live your best life, please see if my program "Let's Face It" is for you! It is completely private and anonymous, but it is the exact process that helped me from the lowest lows in my life, to where it is now. I have tried to condense it into 6 months of videos, exercises and info, but it could take you longer depending on how emotional each step is for you. Take your time. Do not rush the process, and know that I am here to support you anyway I can.

Sharing your truth is extremely important so that you can let go of the guilt and shame that you carry around your entire life. At first it was hard for me to let go of the guilt and share, but it has become easier to share my truth over time and help others overcome their biggest hurdles with support and encouragement. I hope my story inspires others to share theirs as well! I have found amazing ways to combine horses and healing, and bring those sessions to clients in Las Vegas today! I absolutely love helping horses and humans connect! 

Horseback riding lessons with me are different. I focus on so much more than just "heels down, hands low." I provide monthly clinics and group lessons, but if you're ready to go deeper, one-on-one sessions are the best to begin your horse journey. If you're wanting to own a mustang one day, my FREE COURSE goes through so much detail of what you'll need for adoption, housing, training and much more! I hope to inspire 150 families to adopt a mustang over time, and eventually clear the holding pens completely! (More info on the mustang problem and how I am working to help it HERE). Horsemanship is levels upon levels of knowledge, practice, patience and persistence. I am here to help anyone who is interested get more into the horse world without judgement or shame. Let's learn together and never stop learning!